Autumn

It's finally November, and here in Japan we can now feel and see autumn all around us: the leaves are  changing to a beautiful hue of browns and reds and the air has a crispness to it that is most welcome. We ( or is it just me?) can also feel a change in our spirits: heavy, lonely, … a sense of nothingness. 

Yes, it's November. 

Today and the past few have been bad. And I know how to make it better, but I lack the strength to take any such action, so I've been in a perpetual state of being pulled downwards. Unlike other days, I'm not fighting it, and I haven't been for sometime. But I've been in worse stages of 'bad' and I'm going to pull through. Somehow. 

No man's an island and this is a good thing, most of the times. But sometimes, it's really not. Especially when one's spirit is grey, and mine is many dark shades of greys and ugly blues. So I pull away, because its contagious and ugly, and I push away because its contagious and ugly. How long will this last? How long does winter last? Well, we'll see how we are fairing by spring, won't we? 

Such thoughts and their friends play their games in my mind as I sip at alcohol. The shy bartender is purposely avoiding  eye contact with me, (apparently, I make him feel uncomfortable) and the other customers are engaging in stupid drunk-talk. I loath. I yawn. My eyes hurt from too much iPhone and stupid Facebook posts. I miss him. He's sleeping, though. 

I should too.

Goodnight.

P.S

I'll delete this. Then again, impressive iPhone-typing! Wonder exactly how many minutes it took me…  getting quite good at this!